I think a lot about the state of our world. Even more about my place in it. My vocation is the hospitality industry, but my avocation is people study. Everyone is on their phones, computers and gadgets 24/7 passing information, thoughts and situations. Photos of their kids, dogs, destinations and current entree. Political banter. Religious beliefs. The latest tattoo. The list could go on and on in an effort to assimilate each of us into their "gang". Believe what I believe and you will be cleansed from everyone else that isn't them. Information should be a tool and not a weapon. Build a house for the masses and they will live in it as the builders reward. Give them a hammer to build one for themselves and they frequently beat you over the head with it as your punishment for not elevating their agenda.
I see groups large and small come and go in a business convention city that hosts interests from all over. I often say that any time there are 3 or more gathered in one interest they supercede all other interests and rule their planet and your world. The sheer numbers of like mind condone behavior and requests, good and bad, by sheer numbers. This certainly creates a bevy of stereotypes, and I have had to exercise a level of political correctness to not judge behavior that is deep and real. and often selfishly inappropriate. Everyone is trying to survive and excel and often at the cost of you and me.
I'm a firm believer in a sign from the universe. They can come in many forms. A billboard that you've passed daily for years that all of a sudden reads and looks differently due to your situation. Turning on the radio or TV and instantaneously revealing a song or documentary that fills in a puzzle piece of the big picture that has been eluding you. A phone call or text from an old friend right at the second of thinking of them. If you think it's God, then He works in mysterious ways. If the universe tugs at your strings, there is no limit. If kharma is your gig, then it's your turn. Pick your tribe and rain dance yourself into a healthy crop, but with a peaceful heart. The same goes for a gut feeling about a person, a place or your moment in time.
I started this particular post almost a year ago today probably in anticipation of a change, and my life has morphed yet again. As they say, nothing in life is constant but change. The other thing that has been constant in my life is looking for peace. I was always a kid that thought too much. Even as a small child I wanted the answers as I would ask my Mom while lying in my bed just feet from theirs, "If the universe goes on forever, where and how does it end?". She would say to me years later, "How do you explain infinity to a small child with limited vocabulary from a young parent with less than God-like answers?". I just needed the peace of mind to know that your protectors weren't afraid, and were your safety net. She did that for me, yet left me yearning and thankfully always will be.
As we get older we are our own safety net, if we're lucky, and the answers are uniquely our own for all the combinations of your education, experience, upbringing....the variables are as endless as your choices and outcomes. It took me to reach that mid-life crisis point in my own journey to make a decision. For me that crisis hit me in my mid 20's as I had experienced a very adult life already.
At that point I became more introverted, compared to my otherwise social image, and began a course of personal study. I read voraciously. I studied all sorts of religions, meditation, nutrition, exercise and self awareness. I studied plants, art, investment, real estate, politics to name a few. I went back to
school. Took multiple courses and jobs that pushed me. The more that I would add to the mix, the more I would connect the dots and see the implication from one independent concept to the next. Somewhere at that point I lost my way. More concerned what others thought of me and less of what made me,
me. It had served me well to that point I began a nose dive of self doubt. I spent more time relying on the experience of others and less on my truth.
When is enough, enough? When do you start living and stop looking? When is their enough money, experience, property, investment, ice cream in the freezer and when do you stop judging your life by other's accomplishments and live your own truths through your own set of experiences?
I've gone through a very deep soul searching this past year and even quit my job in the process. I needed a break. A break from the same routine, all the people and probably most importantly from Dave. I'm harder on me than anyone else. I needed to drop the knife and quit cutting myself to shreds. All of the doubts. Regrets. Questions. Anger. I needed to stop driving everyone crazy asking who I was supposed to be and reacquaint myself with who I once was. We are born perfect and spend a lot of time dwelling on our weakest links while welding perfectly and strongly the accomplishments and mind sets of others.
I guess my own truth has become, trust yourself. Give yourself the break you would give others. Don't look for answers in someone else. Don't be afraid to re-invent yourself and if you still wonder where the universe ends and your infinite place in it, the perfect child in you is still alive and well, no matter what your age.