Someday's life is hard. Someday's just getting out of bed is hard. Someday's smiling through it all is hard, and yes someday's writing is hard. Today is one of those days. Tomorrow may not be any better and yesterday was worse, but this is just the beginning. There will be more. There will be changes. This is not the finished product, but you have to start somewhere, and for this chapter: this is the beginning...........once again. It is a microcosm of life itself as there will be many starts, finishes, and bullshit that steals the moments of your existence in the middle.
Sometimes the middle sucks you dry. For some the middle is short-lived and the peaks and valleys are extreme and countless.. For others its the mundane nothingness that stagnates the creativity and sparks in the otherwise slow and steady climb of your days. You have to pick and choose wether the highs are worth the lows or if you hedge your bets and your inner turtle's sacrifice is worth your Farrah's hair in your 20's and a bad Zanax moment on Letterman in your 50's. Jaclyn Smith may not have had as many posters on the wall and Kleenex shoved under the bed, but you have to admit she looks good and damn, she's got K Mart. Everybody deserves their own personal blue light special even if it's in their blue haired years.
I wanted more out of life. I dreamed of more. I expected more, but success is relative and a complicated flowchart of crossing paths. A goes to B and B goes to C except when D is introduced into the equation and becomes a new map leading to E that eventually becomes F unless the combination of new variables leads you back to A, twenty-seven years later, when you are older, wiser and B looks completely different to your more mature, experienced and often exhausted self. Oprah said that success is when "preparation meets opportunity", but we scarcely have control over the two as they are no more than opposing magnets passing in a Kansas tornado. We're not all Dorothy and red shoes usually only look good on three year old Shirley's at Christmas and high end hookers on Tuesday. In both cases the window of opportunity is short and the outcome is better in your dreams and well written re-runs.
We frequently watch helplessly as opportunity comes and goes. We stand motionless as friends and family travel in and out.. We work tirelessly for our futures and if we're lucky do so with the base of knowledge and experience that we have amassed in an effort for better results the second time around. The bigger question is, is this a repeat, re-run, a mulligan, or is this the exact moment in which these specific variables and cosmic changes were predetermined to collide at just this instantaneous micro point in you existence? We are all connected in some way, and the ever changing map of an infinite universe and immeasurable clock is perpetually at work as a moving dance floor as you try to roller skate your way through it.
At this point in my life, I am reminded of the "age of 27". It is a concept discussed in many eastern and western religions and ideologies that dissects times in a man's life that presents a time frame that can catapult success or close the window of opportunity for more preparation. It states that we have at age 27, and every 27 years thereafter, a portal into our better selves. If you have ever felt a yearning or anxiety at or around this time, or any compounded sequence of 54 or 81, you may be experiencing your own version.
27 is noted as being a coming of age. True maturity in real time. Doorways and windows into a greater understanding is at hand. In recent years, it has been "pop-culturized" as a curse. The curse of 27 is more commonly referenced when talking about Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, James Dean , Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse.
These were souls that had extraordinary talents. Great passion, and yet failed to follow through with balance. The window of further greatness was directly in front of them, but the overly sensual trajectory at which they were traveling caused them to hit the wall. The window of life eluded them and a more final portal claimed them. They were moving too fast to hit the target. It might be said that their message and talents were too good for this world and this in fact was a doorway to a better and higher existence, but for most of us, the physical world still holds life, love and opportunity for greatness.
I speak of this as it seems more than coincidental that as I chose Mack as a collaborator on this project, He was 27 and I am approaching my second window in my 50's. We are so similar in our thoughts. So alike in our dreams and so connected by past and history. I see his heart. I feel his pain. I understand his dreams. I sense his yearning to be successful on his own terms and to be his own man. He is me. I am him. We are running parallel in a world that eventually intersects at just the perfect moment. That moment is at hand.
I speak of this often with Mack, and in doing so try to impart my experiences to him openly so as to possibly save him some of the mistakes I have made in my life. One of the most profound gestures that we can do is share our journey as a tool for others and not horde it as a weapon to be used against them. I have nothing left to lose from my misfortunes, yet he has everything to gain from the open information. I give it freely and he accepts it with gratitude and thought. That pleases me. It's my way of paying it forward and in turn opens the dialogue for others to do the same.
As Mack moves forward on his journey, I also do so on mine. I am approaching my next window. I could have had great success at many things as my younger self, but can't help but feel that it just wasn't the time. I matured early as a child and young adult and could have very easily ended up splattered all over the wall as my "over experienced" youth made me a karmic race car driver. I needed to slow down. To think. To re-evaluate my stance. I'm ready now. I am re-visiting my art. I am delving into the possibilities always keeping in mind that I would rather have the greatest things happen later in life than to have depleted the source too soon and have nothing to look forward to.
I am excited for what this next portal holds for me. I have worked I have prepared, I have dreamed.
This is my life. This is my time. This is my journey.