37 years old. Yep. That's the year I messed up. Hindsight is 20/20 and a life of experience is invaluable yet doesn't always pay the bills. I'm speaking from the view of a man. That from a woman can be quite different, as I am sure many of my female friends will attest. The Me Too movement is certainly a testament . Right, wrong, or indifferent, it is certainly a statement of our times about our past, present and future.
Thirty-seven? Because that's when in my view a man is a man. He is driving at 17. A mature adult brain at 27, and a viable alpha form ten years later. He has experience, strength, maturity and hasn't in any way started to deteriorate mentally or physically. Read the studies. Walk the walk. Feel the pain. Prime breeding material. That Tom Selleck hairy chest was at its peak at 37, A little trimming to hide the gray only exposes a deteriorating body that eventually looks like a bald old cat, unless you want to look like a dirty old shag rug. There are only so many options. If I only knew what I know now, I would have been naked a lot more in my 30's...…….and taken pictures:)
I worked downtown for years and watched the "alpha's" suceed. For 20 years or more. In the beginning as their contemporaries without the training or connections to compete and later without the youth to be used. I hesitate to use true life examples as it's a slippery slope, but in our new overly politically corrected world, real life is stranger than fiction and stereotypes serve my Lewis Black, Joan Rivers, Carlinesque brain a place for a PC retributed reality check in our new "everyone is butt hurt" millenium.
Let's take, just say one of our larger local drug companies here in Indy. The Pharmaceutical Rep. 27-37 year old ex jock, former cheerleader with a box of Krispy Creams in tow making connections. t's a dynamic that looks good. Walks good. Smiles good and does well in a social environment. I am not discounting their education or accomplishment, but how did they get there? It's a limited window of opportunity.
If I had seen one more 40 year old wanna be middle-class middle aged, botox plumped, chardonnay soaked Mom pushing their daughter into cheerleading and dance, spending thousands of dollars that could have been better spent on education, well? What happened to making the cheer squad at home. The volleyball team at home? The softball team? What has happened? 99% of these kids are going nowhere and the throngs of drunken dads at the bar miserable in their overpriced situations proved that to me. But, the 8 year old T-ball phenom on the weekend circuit and 10 year old pre-Barbie sure seem to go a long way in the sales department..
Believe it or not I have no disrespect for any and all efforts, only an over analyzed view. I don't get some of their approaches, yet respect any and all for trying and all disappointments that failed them. Only so many ex beauty queens and jocks make the grade.
I woke up this morning lost. 50 something and un-employed. But I am resourceful. I've driven 17 to school. I've educated my 27 year old brain. I've flaunted my 37 year old charisma, pheromones and body. I've photographed my 47 year old face hording the images for my 57 year old fall. I'm there. I'm middle class, middle aged, middle America still trying to find my way. I'm looking for the answers and still hoping for elusive success that would come through persistence, hard work and connections that I believed wouldn't throw me under the bus while they paved their agenda over me. There's a fine line between altruism and pessimism. Love and hate. Heaven and Hell. I'm not sure my brain believes in any of them, but afraid my heart gives them all control of my soul.
This is my promise. Walk with me. Talk with. "Kiss me on the mouth"...……..I love Ernest T. Bass:) You are not alone. We are all searching for the right route, correct set of variables and elusive portal. I'm going to add to this story on a consistent basis. Sometimes short quips and at other times longer, more thoughtful insight. Take the journey with me and I encourage you to share. Share information as a tool and not a weapon. Be kind. Be funny. Be honest and truthful. Be angry, but not hurtful and HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR> We have lost that and that is our greatest gift to ourselves and each other. This morning I was lost. Not terribly, but a thinker thinks too much. On days like this I clean. Clean everything. A good ole sink full of hot soapy water with a cap full of bleach, like my Grandma would do...……...and start wiping. A clean house is a representation of an uncluttered mind. It may sound simple, but in the process I cleaned windows...………..the sunshine came in. I washed dishes, laundry countertops, floors, kitchen, bathrooms. This forced me to address piles of mail, bills, lists. I edited. Threw shit away, paid bills and spent an hour attending to emails and updating passwords and organizing future tax preparations. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time, and in my mind with a list that you write indiscriminately and start from top to bottom no matter how daunting....simply DO. Not just the ones that give you immediate satisfaction, but the ones that make you sleep better at night. Now you're on a roll. That makes the treadmill look a whole lot better in the morning! This lead me to take photos of excess furniture, artwork, accessories from staging that was smothering me, and tomorrow I have appointments with the potential of over $600. You have to start somewhere, and you have to DO. To do great things, one must DO. Tomorrow I will start with the same determination with leaf blower, lawn mower, snippers and a rake. A new view...……..a new DO.
Folks, this is a process. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Sometimes getting ahead is simply not falling behind. It's when preparation meets opportunity
Make sure your game face is on and sometimes it means full on heels at age 6 full or athletic support at 8 wether or not you can yet walk the walk or fill the cup. Be ready for the game.
Follow me as I tell some stories. Give me yours. The best is always possible and the very best is unexpected from all the daily grind...……...to be respected and "walked". We can't always know when the good things happen, but we know that the seeds must be sown. I'm not sure how I feel about structured religion, but know the goal is to be Christ like. I believe by history that Christ was the most perfected being to walk the Earth and attest to always strive for perfection. Wether in this life or another, the goal is to be kind, grateful and hard working. Do I expect rewards...……..well, yes the human in me would like that, but the divine in me needs that I give. I pass it on. I share.
Slate with me truths in this pragmatic universe.. Share with me humor in this laughable environment. Give me life and love in this flawed world.
We are stronger together, and the gift is empathy and understanding and yes, a good laugh. May you walk tall in your hooker heels and your athletic cup over flow...………..