I worked today. As I do every Monday. I've taken on a task in my job that requires a commitment of time and experience that is a thankless "duty" for the perpetuation of a 4+ million $ business that a revolving door of C+ average manager career minded have left to the subordinate staff of more experienced committed workforce. It's not completely their fault as words and concepts like contractual and out-sourced have left no one with integrity, drive or any chance of advancement other than the stepping stone of mature foundation backs that hold the walls in place while they loudly paint their own color of the season on the glass ceiling of our house of mediocrity.
It's not their fault. It's mine. I am an integral puzzle piece in the larger picture. I allow it. Either out of fear of the unknown or more simply, comfort. If I don't put myself in front of the gun, there will simply be no one of knowledge and strength to pull the trigger, catch the bullets and protect the front line. If I don't continue to play the patriotic unarmed war drum, no one will know that there is still a need for revolution.
Don't be mistaken. I am adept. I am confident. I am strong. I have managed for independents. For large companies. I have been a business owner. I've been an artist. Hell, I've been a stripper. But sometimes one must choose a vocation that is less than their peek ability in order to have the freedom to perpetuate their avocation and true calling. You have to decide at some point in life to either live your dream or work daily for someone else's. If God offers you a gift it is an abomination to the universe to do anything less. We are each a perfect expression of life, love and soul.. Your unique set of work, ability, education and experience makes your karmic path a road map that will be walked by only you. This is YOUR trademarked will and testament for infinity.
As I walked through another nothing special "Thursday" of Mondays, Sundays Holidays and Today's in the hotel business, I had yet another conversation with one more person in a group of people that make up a day in the life. Any time there are 3 or more gathered in one interest, they politely and frequently arrogantly supersede every other interest on the planet. This week it's toy train enthusiasts that populate Indy in an effort to beat their chests, rule the planet and find God. Their more particular description is something like a depression era, post war version of Gen-con. They are the greatest generation shut ins with obtuse people skills. Instead of living in their parents basements eating Doritos and drinking gallons of Mt. Dew and Redbull , they are the elderly neighbor kids that no one would teeter totter with and have been reduced to Metamucil-prune juice smoothie drinkers in stretch pants and Depends.
As each elderly person passed by me I wished them a Happy 4th of July. I would give them directions and input on the city and where to best experience fireworks in our lovely and friendly city. But, even as I smiled and gave as much attention as I had available to every "greatest generation" passer-by, I felt empty.
As it's our states bicentennial, my mind raced back to our countries 200th birthday. I was 12 years old sporting tragically hip red white and blue bell bottoms adoring my 19 year old stunningly beautiful blonde, tanned sizzler clad aunt Betsy at a parade in the small town of my former youth in southern Indiana......Loogootee. Mom and Dad were not yet 30 and the grandparents were still the alpha presence. I felt alone. I felt old. I felt sad.
What has happened to us? Is it just the nature of each passing generation to feel loss? Is it our path to question those younger? The decisions of our peers "in charge"? I think it's more than that.
As I was driving home and seeing fireworks ignited from all directions, I felt nothing. I had no desire to be in a crowd of oohs and aahs. Why? because there no longer are the aahs. Everyone has fireworks. The big deal isn't so big anymore. Everyone has access to everything. Everyone is special which in turn makes nothing special.
Once again, I felt empty, but the void gave me pause for thought.
Our problem is not that we NEED, but that we have too much. Too much stuff. Too much information. Too much time to worry what someone else has that we don't. Remember the old saying "Give till it hurts" I don't believe that we need to give the cow to the neighbor just because they need a cup of milk, but we can't deny our brother one of the herd. I am a firm believer that one must not hoard the fruit. If you are not eating it, it will rot and serve no one. One must not use information as a weapon. It is a tool. Give your best ideas away freely and it makes room for new ones.
These are the ideas that are country was founded upon. FREEDOM, and we can't truly be free until we give freely of ourselves, our thoughts and hearts.
On this the bicentennial of our state, I am proud to be a Hoosier. I am now and will always be foremost proud to be an American.